What Do You Do When You Disappoint Yourself?
I don’t want to sound overly self righteous by saying I set high goals for myself but let’s just say I do. And I’m sure everyone interested in living good does too. The first time I wrote Jamb. I read like crazy. Crazzzzy. And I was so confident about it. When I got my slip, I said it wasn’t my result. Lol. And I cried for days. My parent were even over it, but not me. I wallowed in self defeat. I had totally disappointed myself in the worst way; school work. I’m one of those annoying people that actually likes school and books. That was my first grand experience of disappointment, but now I’m so grateful I failed that Jamb. In fact, I believe I needed to fail that Jamb. That one year of A levels was the best. I still miss so many things about those days. Even though disappointments can lead to the best experiences, the initial gash of your head against rock bottom hurts like hell but I have great news for you: It can be skipped.
All that crying and hating yourself and sadness can be fast forwarded; you don’t have to go through it. From my first experience of failure till this day I have had a few (thank God) other strong moments of disappointments and self defeat, but I’ve learnt to handle them better. It’s not by accepting that myth of moving on and acting like nothing is wrong. It’s just by making a simple decision.
This: Decide to hope and be happy.
Sounds cheesy, right? I know, except it actually works. There’s this verse in the Bible that I recently discovered, it goes like this
The hope of the righteous will be gladness
There’s something about being hopefully, it births Joy. You can’t say you believe things will get better while you cry. Tears are a sign of despair. My dad once said that sadness is a sign of unbelief. Read that verse again. So dope, but what’s the point of gladness? What do you need joy for when your life just fell apart? The point is that the Joy of the Lord is your strength. See where I am going? What self defeat and preoccupation will do is weigh you down. It will kill your joy and when you’re depressed, you are weak. You need to be strong. You need to be glad. I recommend singing & dancing.
Whatever jam you prefer, put it on repeat and dance your ass to stupor man. Praise the Lord your God. Jump up and down. Show the enemy that you are not defeated, you are victorious! I am not saying that this will cure tempting thoughts to blame yourself, but it will give you strength. And with strength, you can get to work and continue living life again. Once you make that decision within yourself, everything else is easy.
Truth is, if you make the decision to be glad, you are honouring God’s word where it says rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice! God didn’t say rejoice when you are happy, God didn’t say rejoice when you are sad. God said rejoice always. God will never ask you to do something he hasn’t already given you the grace to do. And right after that, he says worry about nothing. Francis Chan explains this best in his book Crazy love. See photo below.
Deciding to rejoice is actually obeying God.
The cure is to be glad.
But let’s talk about the precaution; don’t put your trust in yourself. Yes, set high goals for yourself, but don’t have ultimate faith in yourself to accomplish it. You can’t trust you. You are only human. Trust God instead. He never fails. He is able to graciously turn every situation around for your ultimate good. What’s there not to trust in this God?
One of my favourites quotes of all time is from Amada Cook’s album, Brave New World. It says you have caused my feet to dance upon disappointments. I absolutely love that sentence, it has helped me through many of my tough days and probably it will be an helpful reminder for you too.
When you are disappointed in yourself, take a leap of faith and break into dancing.
PS: This is actually the first part of a series I just launched titled the WHAT DO YOU DO series. For details, please click this.